Today I bought The Hiding Place by Dr. David J. Bell, a former professor of mine. I read his first book Cemetery Girl and quite loved it. I am looking forward to reading this when I have a chance. Or when I'm putting something else off. Anyways, I went down to his office to get him to sign it, and he began asking the inevitable questions of "How are you" - "Okie dokie" (Really, Fallon, really? Okie dokie. That's your answer?) and then, "So what are your plans?"
Ah. My plans. I outlined my wonderful plans of attending Grad School for Student Affairs, working at WKU and getting either my History Masters or English Masters for free (Yes, which one is now up for debate). Then he says, "And writing? I don't care about all the other stuff, what about writing?"
And there's the kicker. I love to write. Have loved to write for as long as I can remember. How much fiction writing have I done since I left his class last spring? About fifteen pages. If you include my blog, I've actually written quite a bit but none of it is fiction. It's all, hey this is my life... this is what I'm doing... oh, look, a really AWESOME blog, and then... more random crap. Like this :P So, why am I not writing?
That's the question, isn't it? I'm not sure I have an answer. My worst habit is finishing anything that doesn't have a due date. Giving myself a due date doesn't work. I tried to start a writing group but that fell through for a number of reasons. Maybe I can actually get it going this summer. Other than that... well. I think I lost faith. Over the past few years I've run into so many amazing writers, and sometimes I just didn't measure up. I also never got the grade I wanted for my writing in classes. Amazing how a grade can just make you want to rip everything up and say "To hell with it." I wish I was the exact opposite. I think that's my new goal. "HA! I GOT IT PUBLISHED! BOO YA!" should become one of my phrases.
So, Dr. Bell asked what I was doing when I was wasting my time. That's an easy answer. TV! (By the way, he's never seen Dr. Who. I mean, COME ON!). I'm trying to cut back on my tv time and it's gotten easier lately because I've watched just about everything I had to watch.... (about ten series later...). I have wasted so much time. That's the saddest thing. I look back and I'm like... I just spent ten hours doing... nothing. It wouldn't be hard to write a little bit every night. I have this amazing idea for a novel (at least I think so) and I would love to write it. Maybe this was just the final push I needed. I'm determined, and we shall see how long that will last... but dang it, I'm determined. I've got to start writing again. I loved it. I love it.
*Raises imaginary drink way too early in the afternoon* "Here's to writing!"
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Saturday, February 23, 2013
So Little Time, So Much to Do
This is the list of everything I have to accomplish today and tomorrow:
Read To Kill A Mockingbird, Read article of book
Write essay over article and book Prepare discussion questions
Cut down Magic paper to 10 pages Rewrite abstract over Magic paper
Write ENG Senior Seminar essay Study for Modern China
Read about seven chapters from MC Prepare essay for MC
Make notes for Ovid Answer discussion questions
So, last night my father-in-law was supposed to start working on my car. I had to cancel much looked forward to plans with Morgan to see Beautiful Creatures. He couldn't make it, much to my sadness so I missed the movie. On top of that, I had planned to come home yesterday and get the house cleaned and all spiffy so I wouldn't have to be bothered with it today or tomorrow. I also had planned on finishing To Kill A Mockingbird. I've read it before, but it's been long enough I need to read it again.
So, I wanted to stop at Kroger on the way out and get some yogurt and bread. I park and see Cato's and decided to go in. I wound up buying a really cute red lace Jacket. Yay, WKU colors. It was on sale for $10. My new goal is to buy one nice dressy thing on sale every paycheck, so by the time I need it next semester, I have plenty of it. Well, then I went to Kroger. Stopped at Dairy Queen to order supper, because I had wanted a Cherry Milkshake for ages. They have changed their sizes, which was very disappointing. However, they had to make new fries, and Misty didn't know. So, since I had to wait a while, she threw in extra chicken and fries into my basket. I got six or seven pieces of chicken and tons of fries. I was a little toooo excited about that :P
Anyways, I headed home and watched Grey's Anatomy. I pulled up the trash can and took out some trash. And then the migraine kicked in. I planned on just sleeping for about thirty minutes. Heh. I woke up at 10 when the hubby called. I gave up and just went to sleep in the bed. Woke up at seven this morning, started cleaning, cut down my history paper which I sent to one of my fav professors to review, and now I'm blogging to avoid the rest of it.
I've been very frustrated lately because this week I slept through my alarms (By now, I have three different alarms to make sure I wake up) and missed my first two classes, twice. I'm not sure what's going on. I wasn't able to sleep worth a darn the first time. I barely slept the next two days, made it class and work on Wed and Thurs, and then Friday woke up at 7:45. I did find out that for Friday I had managed to reset all my alarms back to the default song which is way to nice to ever wake up anyone. -sighs- I angerly posted on Facebook, and a friend gave me this reply:
"Let go of the stress and anger. I had that epiphany in 2010 and it made my life exponentially better afterward. I'm not saying be apathetic, but you missed those classes already, you can't change that and being unhappy because of it will only lead to more crappy day...just put it out of your mind and go on. It isn't always easy (like my Barnes & Noble rant), but if you can learn to do it even 50% of the time, it's so worth it; it really helps deal with crappy jobs and crappy classes." -Kyle
I attempt to let go of anger. I really do. It used to be second nature in high school, but it's been lost as an art to me over the past four years. Perhaps it is time to pick it back up. I dunno. I wish I knew why it was so bloody hard for me to wake up though. It's been getting worse over the past year, so I'm beginning to think I need to seek out answers. I know I'm borderline anemic but that shouldn't cause this much trouble. My mom's thyroid is jacked up, but I'm rather young for that to be a problem yet. We shall see.
In other news, my LOTR skirt is on it's way!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So are my LOTR EARRINGS!! THEY ARE THE ONE RING! I SHALL HAVE THE MOST NERDIEST AWESOME OUTFIT EVER! I need LOTR shoes.... I shall get to work on that, I know of many on Etsy, but perhaps I can have a friend do it for cheaper...
Well... I don't have anything cool or awesome to really tell you. This was mostly ranting of things I should be doing but am not. As the main highlight however, Dr. McCaffrey loved my Evolution of Me blog so much, she gueststarred me on her blog! Link is to the right. I'm also attending three different conferences this semester and presenting my work!!!!! Phi Alpha Theta is doing awesome as well, and I shall blog on that within the next week. Oh, and 76 days till graduation!!
Read To Kill A Mockingbird, Read article of book
Write essay over article and book Prepare discussion questions
Cut down Magic paper to 10 pages Rewrite abstract over Magic paper
Write ENG Senior Seminar essay Study for Modern China
Read about seven chapters from MC Prepare essay for MC
Make notes for Ovid Answer discussion questions
So, last night my father-in-law was supposed to start working on my car. I had to cancel much looked forward to plans with Morgan to see Beautiful Creatures. He couldn't make it, much to my sadness so I missed the movie. On top of that, I had planned to come home yesterday and get the house cleaned and all spiffy so I wouldn't have to be bothered with it today or tomorrow. I also had planned on finishing To Kill A Mockingbird. I've read it before, but it's been long enough I need to read it again.
So, I wanted to stop at Kroger on the way out and get some yogurt and bread. I park and see Cato's and decided to go in. I wound up buying a really cute red lace Jacket. Yay, WKU colors. It was on sale for $10. My new goal is to buy one nice dressy thing on sale every paycheck, so by the time I need it next semester, I have plenty of it. Well, then I went to Kroger. Stopped at Dairy Queen to order supper, because I had wanted a Cherry Milkshake for ages. They have changed their sizes, which was very disappointing. However, they had to make new fries, and Misty didn't know. So, since I had to wait a while, she threw in extra chicken and fries into my basket. I got six or seven pieces of chicken and tons of fries. I was a little toooo excited about that :P
Anyways, I headed home and watched Grey's Anatomy. I pulled up the trash can and took out some trash. And then the migraine kicked in. I planned on just sleeping for about thirty minutes. Heh. I woke up at 10 when the hubby called. I gave up and just went to sleep in the bed. Woke up at seven this morning, started cleaning, cut down my history paper which I sent to one of my fav professors to review, and now I'm blogging to avoid the rest of it.
I've been very frustrated lately because this week I slept through my alarms (By now, I have three different alarms to make sure I wake up) and missed my first two classes, twice. I'm not sure what's going on. I wasn't able to sleep worth a darn the first time. I barely slept the next two days, made it class and work on Wed and Thurs, and then Friday woke up at 7:45. I did find out that for Friday I had managed to reset all my alarms back to the default song which is way to nice to ever wake up anyone. -sighs- I angerly posted on Facebook, and a friend gave me this reply:
"Let go of the stress and anger. I had that epiphany in 2010 and it made my life exponentially better afterward. I'm not saying be apathetic, but you missed those classes already, you can't change that and being unhappy because of it will only lead to more crappy day...just put it out of your mind and go on. It isn't always easy (like my Barnes & Noble rant), but if you can learn to do it even 50% of the time, it's so worth it; it really helps deal with crappy jobs and crappy classes." -Kyle
I attempt to let go of anger. I really do. It used to be second nature in high school, but it's been lost as an art to me over the past four years. Perhaps it is time to pick it back up. I dunno. I wish I knew why it was so bloody hard for me to wake up though. It's been getting worse over the past year, so I'm beginning to think I need to seek out answers. I know I'm borderline anemic but that shouldn't cause this much trouble. My mom's thyroid is jacked up, but I'm rather young for that to be a problem yet. We shall see.
In other news, my LOTR skirt is on it's way!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So are my LOTR EARRINGS!! THEY ARE THE ONE RING! I SHALL HAVE THE MOST NERDIEST AWESOME OUTFIT EVER! I need LOTR shoes.... I shall get to work on that, I know of many on Etsy, but perhaps I can have a friend do it for cheaper...
Well... I don't have anything cool or awesome to really tell you. This was mostly ranting of things I should be doing but am not. As the main highlight however, Dr. McCaffrey loved my Evolution of Me blog so much, she gueststarred me on her blog! Link is to the right. I'm also attending three different conferences this semester and presenting my work!!!!! Phi Alpha Theta is doing awesome as well, and I shall blog on that within the next week. Oh, and 76 days till graduation!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
The Evolution of Me
This blog post owes all it's credit to the blog of one of the English faculty of WKU, and my former adviser, Molly McCaffrey: I Will Not Diet.
As well as these three posts:
Me: The History of A Word
Heather: F***ing Body Image
Me: Remembering to Be Thankful
I was on facebook this evening, just generally avoiding homework as any good college student would do, when I saw a link to a new post on I Will Not Diet. Now, before today I had read a few articles here and there on this blog but I had not really followed it. I think that shall change after today. One of my friends said Dr. McCaffrey's blog changed her life. I even contributed to one blogpost: Happy blogoversary!
I want to tell the story of my own struggle with weight:
As a child I was always very pudgy. I had never really thought about, but I wasn't really that overweight. My mom always said I just hadn't grown into my weight, hadn't lost my baby fat. Well, one day when I was in sixth grade my father told me I was getting fat and needed to lose weight. I was utterly devastated. Honestly, I do not remember much past that simple fact. I hoped to lose weight. I never thought about doing anything drastic, but, Lord it hurt.
Not long after that, I grew into my weight. I went from being chunky to weighing 110 pounds. I mean skinny. Review image to the left. That was my senior year. Then I married. And became a college freshman. So I gained the freshman 15 and the married 15. Thirty pounds in such a short time I'm not sure how I managed to not notice until suddenly my pants wouldn't fit over my bum and my shirts were too short because I suddenly had boobs! Right: me a year later.
The crazy thing is, at first my weight gain didn't bother me. My husband loved it. I bought new clothes. Friends from high school saw me and commented on how much better I looked. My family said I no longer looked like a bean pole or anorexic. My favorite comment would be a friend in Walmart who loudly announced that my new curves, bum and boobs looked amazing. As I said, it was a change and it didn't seem to bother me.
Fast forward another two years, some more weight. I was beginning to reach the 160 area and was noticing it. My thighs, already large, were getting bigger. The new clothes weren't fitting as well. The bras weren't fitting. My stomach... oh the stomach. I ignored it. The nurse commented on my weight gain. And then one day I stepped on the scale and I weighed 170 pounds. Nope, I could no longer ignore this. I was gaining quite a bit of weight and I was way over my healthy weight. I am only 5 feet, 7 inches. So I'm supposed to be around 130ish. I became self-conscious in ways I never was before. I worried about my weight and my stomach chubbyness most of all. I noticed other women who looked so much better than me. The envy set in. Ooooh the envy for a better body. Pinterest sucks by the way.
I did decide to do something. I lost weight by exercising and cutting back on fast food last summer. I'm down to 155 pounds. I lost 15 in about three months. I was very, very proud of that. I didn't diet. I have never ever believed in all these stupid diets. I knew that just because you quit for a bit and drastically lost weight, doesn't mean you won't gain it back the instant you go back to normal habits. I wanted to change.
Since last summer, I haven't managed to do anything. I have basically quit exercising. It's depressing but I tend to have problems finding the time. Of course, that's also procrastination on my part. I love to Zumba and to walk. Walking is much harder to do when it's freezing outside. At the moment, I've hit a stalemate. That and fast food is soooo easy during the semester. My husband still tells me I'm beautiful. But some days I have a really hard time believing it. Not to mention my acne has taken a major turn for the worse.
One day I mentioned this, and my friend Heather let me have it. She posted that beautiful blog and dedicated it to me. I squalled. And I felt beautiful. I try to hold onto that most days. Honestly, I don't ever want to be skinny as a rail again. Or a bean pole. I love my curves. I just want a few less in certain areas. Have I mentioned my stomach? And my thighs? But mostly, I want to be healthy. I want to walk up the hills at WKU without being out of breath. I want to want to exercise. I want my future children to be healthy, to like sports, to be active.
I'm working on accepting myself and changing my habits. I'm working on feeling beautiful daily. I don't wear makeup most of the time, because I just don't like it. It's annoying and I've always found it bothersome. I prefer to show the world my natural face, but some days makeup is a lovely thing (of course I own... lip gloss. So if I want makeup I have to bother my friend Nikki!) I want to be healthier and lose about 15 more pounds. I want to be in shape. So I shall end this with a few pictures that make me feel beautiful. Here's to the future me, and my new attitude.
As well as these three posts:
Me: The History of A Word
Heather: F***ing Body Image
Me: Remembering to Be Thankful
I was on facebook this evening, just generally avoiding homework as any good college student would do, when I saw a link to a new post on I Will Not Diet. Now, before today I had read a few articles here and there on this blog but I had not really followed it. I think that shall change after today. One of my friends said Dr. McCaffrey's blog changed her life. I even contributed to one blogpost: Happy blogoversary!
I want to tell the story of my own struggle with weight:
As a child I was always very pudgy. I had never really thought about, but I wasn't really that overweight. My mom always said I just hadn't grown into my weight, hadn't lost my baby fat. Well, one day when I was in sixth grade my father told me I was getting fat and needed to lose weight. I was utterly devastated. Honestly, I do not remember much past that simple fact. I hoped to lose weight. I never thought about doing anything drastic, but, Lord it hurt.
Not long after that, I grew into my weight. I went from being chunky to weighing 110 pounds. I mean skinny. Review image to the left. That was my senior year. Then I married. And became a college freshman. So I gained the freshman 15 and the married 15. Thirty pounds in such a short time I'm not sure how I managed to not notice until suddenly my pants wouldn't fit over my bum and my shirts were too short because I suddenly had boobs! Right: me a year later.The crazy thing is, at first my weight gain didn't bother me. My husband loved it. I bought new clothes. Friends from high school saw me and commented on how much better I looked. My family said I no longer looked like a bean pole or anorexic. My favorite comment would be a friend in Walmart who loudly announced that my new curves, bum and boobs looked amazing. As I said, it was a change and it didn't seem to bother me.
Fast forward another two years, some more weight. I was beginning to reach the 160 area and was noticing it. My thighs, already large, were getting bigger. The new clothes weren't fitting as well. The bras weren't fitting. My stomach... oh the stomach. I ignored it. The nurse commented on my weight gain. And then one day I stepped on the scale and I weighed 170 pounds. Nope, I could no longer ignore this. I was gaining quite a bit of weight and I was way over my healthy weight. I am only 5 feet, 7 inches. So I'm supposed to be around 130ish. I became self-conscious in ways I never was before. I worried about my weight and my stomach chubbyness most of all. I noticed other women who looked so much better than me. The envy set in. Ooooh the envy for a better body. Pinterest sucks by the way.
I did decide to do something. I lost weight by exercising and cutting back on fast food last summer. I'm down to 155 pounds. I lost 15 in about three months. I was very, very proud of that. I didn't diet. I have never ever believed in all these stupid diets. I knew that just because you quit for a bit and drastically lost weight, doesn't mean you won't gain it back the instant you go back to normal habits. I wanted to change.
Since last summer, I haven't managed to do anything. I have basically quit exercising. It's depressing but I tend to have problems finding the time. Of course, that's also procrastination on my part. I love to Zumba and to walk. Walking is much harder to do when it's freezing outside. At the moment, I've hit a stalemate. That and fast food is soooo easy during the semester. My husband still tells me I'm beautiful. But some days I have a really hard time believing it. Not to mention my acne has taken a major turn for the worse.
One day I mentioned this, and my friend Heather let me have it. She posted that beautiful blog and dedicated it to me. I squalled. And I felt beautiful. I try to hold onto that most days. Honestly, I don't ever want to be skinny as a rail again. Or a bean pole. I love my curves. I just want a few less in certain areas. Have I mentioned my stomach? And my thighs? But mostly, I want to be healthy. I want to walk up the hills at WKU without being out of breath. I want to want to exercise. I want my future children to be healthy, to like sports, to be active.
I'm working on accepting myself and changing my habits. I'm working on feeling beautiful daily. I don't wear makeup most of the time, because I just don't like it. It's annoying and I've always found it bothersome. I prefer to show the world my natural face, but some days makeup is a lovely thing (of course I own... lip gloss. So if I want makeup I have to bother my friend Nikki!) I want to be healthier and lose about 15 more pounds. I want to be in shape. So I shall end this with a few pictures that make me feel beautiful. Here's to the future me, and my new attitude.
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